Don't you think I noticed there's a gag in the woman's mouth? We ain't got no needles here, kid. If she doesn't get his goop in ten minutes, I'm gonna go in there and get it myself. It's New Year's Eve at the Mon Signor Hotel, a former grand old Hollywood hotel, now fallen upon hard times. The minute Jerry Lewis dies, every newspaper in this fuckin' country. I cannot turn on an adult station without the express permission of your parents. To think I did that.
Tell me that's not a face you can trust. What didn't you do, stick man? The entire staffof the Mon Signor is begging you. We're gonna sit down, 'cause we ain't quite through yet. Forget the nails and the twine. I'm not a gun guy.
We already told you we were drunk, Ted. Not down and to the side, all stupid. Sir, I can send out for a baby-sitting service. As he tries to maintain order and save his own life, the unlucky bellhop encounters one deranged guest after another. Three times three times three. Did you ever open your eyes? Man, what the fuck is the matter with this bitch? You had a real bad night.
I mean, I could go on and on about his cock, his bone, his knob, Shh. Now, since what we're proposing here is so unusual, so outside the norm, that this is a good bet that this is going to be one of those incidents that sticks. That's how many Peter Lorre asked for. Whether it's you who holds the axe or a Mexican maid. There's a card in the bathroom that says you'll bring us free toothbrushes if we ask for them. Why don't you just shut the fuck up, bitch? Actually, the name's Ted, Angela. I could trust you, Theodore.
I was drinkin' out of that other bottle there. And my new one, The Dog Catcher, which, by the way, is testing right through the ceiling, all right, is projected to gross a hundred. A lot of people did see it. Norman, give me your watch. Well, the five of us- Athena, Jezebel, Raven, Elspeth and me-are a coven. And the person on the other end of the phone is his lovely wife Ellen. Has this not been the happiest of New Years? I wanna be a witch.
Then should I wake them up for the countdown to the New Year? I got a doctor waitin' in the fuckin' emergency. You can't do anything with it. We play this game all the time. I had a little bunny rabbit. Obviously I've come at a very bad time. There's all kinds of leftover stuff here: needles and things.
Are you calling my kids a pain in the ass? I don't know from the man in the fucking moon. Uh, if there's nothing else- Thank you. But it's the journey that's worth it. Come on, put the gag back in my mouth. Are you listening to me? It was a big fucking gun! I'm not a frog, and you're not a bunny. We don't have time to play charades here, you asshole.
No, sir, but I'm by myself, and looking after your kids is a pain in the ass I don't need. Why didn't you use your hands? Rothwas directed by each of the four filmmakers in their segments, and the resultis revealing: He has a comic role to play, and does it wonderfully, in theRodriguez segment, but in the other three pieces he depends mostly on mugging,incredulous reaction shots, double takes, and a walk that looks like abowlegged sailor trying to tack across a deck in high seas. Between a domestic dispute and a demented entourage, spell-casting witches and destructive children, Ted has little hope of making it through the night in one piece. When all of a sudden, we flip on Steve McQueen, Peter Lorre being fuckin' badasses. Well, what my baby-sitter used to do to me.
Uh, do you accept the fuckin' apology? But I've never met you people before! The bellboy we called about minutes ago. Ah, hey, you talk about stars, uh- Hey, kid, put this on. Because I put that gag in her mouth! Was it like Dirty Harry's gun? Others which you remember for the rest of your natural life. Now me, personally, when I think of bellboy, I think of The Bellboy with Jerry Lewis. Ted, you're gonna do whatever you wanna do. Have you any idea, the faintest idea, what it's like to arrive at school and find yourself surrounded by the maladjusted? You know, when I think of all the times you were inside me. There's his hooligan kids snapping their fingers at me.